Yes? No? What's Happening?

YCC 121.08.14

It's been a long few weeks, and my head is all of a jumble and I mean I think I yelled at Constantin, but I can't remember if I did or why it happened and then, after she got hurt, or maybe it was before, I can't remember, I also think I also told Katya that I loved her, but I'm not even sure if I actually did that, or if it's just something I think that I did, but I don't know because I can't straighten my mind out, cause everything is super hazy, but extra sharp, and fuzzy, and clear, and all at the same time, which doesn't make sense at all, and plus, I think I've done things that I don't remember doing, like the thing with the EoM assassins and their families which I don't remember telling Alex to do it that way, or even to do it at all, but I guess I must have, since I trust him and he for sure wouldn't have done all of those really terrible things to them without me telling him to do it first, or at least he wouldn't have done them the way they were done, since it was horrible, and I know that, but I don't remember it and that bothers me but I can't really fix that and I don't know why, and Katya sent me a letter, but it makes it sound like she's not coming back to me, and I don't know what to do about that, even though I sent her a letter back, but since she's probably not coming back and I don't know what to do, I guess I'll do something different, and oh yes I forgot to mention because why would I care, it's not like anyone really cares, but I cut my hair off and dyed it and I'm gonna go in my ship again and maybe do some Blooder things, I mean, things to the Blooders of course, that's what I meant obviously, and then maybe I'll do some other things afterwards but I don't know what, and I really should get more sleep but I'm not tired, and haven't really slept in a few days, and even then it was just a nap since I didn't sleep while Katya was here either, and why is the only person that hasn't let me down lately Mr. Nappylus, which doesn't make sense, cause tons of people say he's bad, but he's the only person I've talked to in ages that hasn't hurt me, and maybe that's actually telling me something, but if it is, I don't know what it is, so Goodbye.